Ginger Snow

Feeling somewhat content with life right now; not sure why, just am.

Scary thought right there indeed :)

I have the best friends I could ever ask for, my car & my job, etc.

However, not all is well. My Grandma is declining doing more chemo. She’s giving in and waiting for nature to take its course. It’s hard to handle on every level so she sent me back home to Wheatfield as opposed to Lafayette.

I know I can handle this b/c by some reason I have an unimaginable amount of strength (that I deny having).But IDK for some reason despite that and everything else I neglected to mention, I feel somewhat content.

yay <3

Today, for the first time in awhile, I woke up content with life despite the adversity in it. Yes, I have a shit ton of family issues going on that i CANNOT handle which I openly admit, however, I still feel great. Last night I got everything off my chest and it actually went well.

I love waking up in smiles :)

If you Facebook creep me then you already have a general idea of how MY spring break went. Monday & Tuesday i worked, fought with the parents and slept in my car. Wednesday & Thursday stayed with my most recent ex (been off and on for 3 years now), Friday stayed with another ex who also used to be my best friend. That’s a whole different can of worms…Saturday I stayed at “home.” That’s just the simple version.

But I’ve decided to broaden my horizons; I’m a great writer; published actually && working on my book currently :) so everyday I will be posting atleast 1 new poem for people to read and critique. I’m open to constructive criticism!!!

Time for me to buckle down despite everything. I’m smarter than this and definitely better than this so why am I holding myself back? IDK. But this is my new beginning so I cant or shouldn’t mess it up. I’m still afraid to let many people in but I’m working on it, truly i am. I’m the kind of girl that you should be able to tell when something’s wrong & something as simple as an unexpected hug can make my day, like today i had one && omg….felt better :)

Until tomorrow —

Ging(er) :)

Why do we do the things we do?
For Love
For Hate
For Better
For Worse
For Pleasure
For Pain
It seems there will always be a purpose
But is that purpose worth it?
How can we put ourselves and others through such madness?
It’s a crime.
It’s a tragedy.
It’s… Life. 

I dont want to be demanding, I just wanna know the reasons why we live and die in a world of lies, addicted to the way we crash and burn. Despite my love to crash and burn with the world as it constantly twirls around so majestic like, I’m above this. I don’t want to watch it happen nor do I want to be the reason it crashes & burns.

By no means have I become a power hungry world dominatrix.

Yep….I said it that way ;) lol

I’ve begun something new; someone new….me. Now mind you I haven’t really changed much but my bullshit tolerance now is zero so if you don’t like that, Ging don’t give a fuckk :)

Through my break I’ve realized this :

Fate controls who walks into your life, but you decide who you let walk out, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.
Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone(:
I may be old enough to know better, but I’m too young to care.
I’m not a bitch, I just have a low bullshit tolerance.
Love isn’t finding someone you can live with, it’s about finding someone you can’t live without.

—Ging(er)

*******The ER is now optional :) :)

It’s going to be the death of me. Spring break & being stuck at home with a family who completely wants jack fucking shit to do with you.

Not sure how much more I can take at this point to be honest. Stress level on a scale of 1-10 is at 35, I don’t really sleep or eat, have chest pain & just cry cry cry. Spring break & being home shouldn’t hurt this bad.

Every time I seem to get ahead in life I get pulled back atleast 100 steps. School I can totally handle quite well actually my grades are all B’s, 1 A and 1 C+ not bad at all for nearly killing myself during the week between work and home bullshit.

I’ve rediscovered my drinking habit to the extreme & cigarettes…I constantly have 1 lit in my hand. To be honest I probably wouldn’t admit this to anyone face to face because I’m ashamed at who and what I’m becoming.

I just don’t know what to do at this point.

I’ll say it…I’ll admit it….I’m lost.